Damn Dolphins: Week Nine

By | November 4th, 2012 | No Comments
Nathaniel Sandler (Halloween)

The Dolphins' loss to the Colts has Nathaniel falling from Cloud Nine in Week Nine.

Welcome back, that familiar post-game malaise and creeping depression into your life.

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Damn Dolphins: Week Eight

By | October 29th, 2012 | No Comments
Incoming by Robby Campbell

The Dolphins' Week Eight win against the hated Jets has Nathaniel forecasting a five-game winning streak.

When the Miami Dolphins beat the New York Jets, everything is just the best. It doesn’t matter how it gets done. It just matters that the Jets are embarrassed, and they were completely de-pantsed with horrible shrinkage in a 30-9 romp on Sunday.

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Damn Dolphins: Week Six

By | October 14th, 2012 | No Comments
Nathaniel Sandler (Halloween)

The Dolphins' win against the Rams sends Nathaniel into the bye with a hunger for Jets blood.

With this week’s 17-14 win over the St. Louis Rams, the Miami Dolphins are officially mediocre on paper with 3 wins and 3 losses. A lot of people keep talking about how they could be a 5-1 team had the two overtime losses gone a different way. But thinking like that is the sports fan equivalent of drunk-texting an ex.

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Damn Dolphins: Week Five

By | October 8th, 2012 | No Comments
Incoming by Robby Campbell

The Dolphins' Week Five win against the Bengals warms Nathaniel's heart ... approximately two degrees.

So the seeds have been planted and a dark hope will fester inside all of us.

The Miami Dolphins are a reasonably good football team and learning how to win. After two miserable overtime loses, we can now concede they’re consistently competing against good teams every week. I was even happy after their well-executed, 17-13 win on Sunday over the Cincinnati Bengals, who were a playoff team last year. Then I realized this is all part of the trap inherent in Dolphins Fandom: as with a peptic ulcer, the pain is just waiting to come back.

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Dwyane Wade on Miami Critical Mass: “This won’t be my last ride.”

By | October 1st, 2012 | 4 Comments

With the start of a new NBA basketball season around the corner, Miami Heat guard Dwyane Wade decided to work a bike ride into his training regimen. The eight-time All Star and two-time champion rode in the monthly group ride Critical Mass on Friday night and, as you can see in the video below, he seems to have caught the Critical Mass bug. “Yo, this is bananas,” Wade says in the video. “Critical Mass. I like it. With the people, you know what I mean, riding through the streets — I like it. It’s nice, man. I enjoyed it. This won’t be my last ride. Gotta get another one.” Something tells me next month’s ride is going to break the attendance record.

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Damn Dolphins: Week Four

By | October 1st, 2012 | No Comments
Nathaniel Sandler (Halloween)

After the Dolphins' overtime loss to the Cardinals, the team's second OT loss in a row, Nathaniel is in despair.

This is that moment when you have to choose between misery and happiness. They were so good. So close. But the 2012 Miami Dolphins just can’t make being a football fan easy and fun. They have to make each game exciting, and then lose plucking-a-nose-hair miserably.

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Damn Dolphins: Week Three

By | September 24th, 2012 | No Comments
Incoming by Robby Campbell

In Week Three, the Dolphins take their hated rival, the New York Jets, to overtime ... and lose, leaving Nathaniel in a lover's helpless agony.

I made the trip down the turnpike to Clown Shoe Stadium to watch the Miami Dolphins play the New York Jets on Sunday and unfortunately, my prediction of an embarrassing loss in a close game was spot on. That simple description, however, barely scratches the surface of how truly awful witnessing it in person was. It was gross. It was gut wrenching. It was demoralizing. It was good old-fashioned Miami Dolphins football.

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Damn Dolphins: Week Two

By | September 17th, 2012 | No Comments
Nathaniel Sandler (Halloween)

After a Week One loss to the Texans, the Dolphins bounced back with a convincing win against the Raiders.

It was an exciting opening Sunday at Clown Shoe Stadium, the Miami Dolphins’ home field and ritualistic self-mutilation campground. The diehard fans will be happy to know that the Orange Carpet is gone, the old fight song is back, and the team has been officially diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. And after a pathetic and lifeless loss last week to the Houston Texans, the Dolphins bounced back with a skull-crushing 35-13 victory over the Oakland Raiders. This team is well are on their way to restoring the simple mediocrity that has defined itself for the last decade and a half.

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Damn Dolphins: Week One

By | September 9th, 2012 | No Comments
Incoming by Robby Campbell

New season. Same Damn Dolphins.

Welcome back to Damn Dolphins, your humble source for in-depth despair-based Miami Dolphins football analysis. I’ve been working on my pain and suffering analogies all offseason. I was pretty sure I was going to start this year’s first column off with talking about how watching our offense was not unlike getting a Tabasco enema. Then maybe liken the defensive secondary to quasi sentient Yeti turds.

But then, during the first quarter of Sunday’s game, the first of the 2012-13 season, we didn’t play like a toilet-algae colony against the pre-season Super Bowl-contending Houston Texans.

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High-flying parkour at the Miami Marine Stadium

By | August 1st, 2012 | No Comments

After watching this video of athletes running, jumping, and just about flying through the Miami Marine Stadium, the Modernist masterwork of architecture and contemporary masterpiece of graffiti on Key Biscayne, I realized the London 2012 Olympics are missing a game: parkour.

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