Damn Dolphins: Week Sixteen

By | December 24th, 2012 | 1 Comment
Damn Dolphins Orange

After the Dolphins’ win against the Bills, Nathaniel is reordering his list of beloved Reginalds.

Immediately after the final seconds ticked off the clock of the Miami Dolphins dominant 24-10 win over the Buffalo Bills, the television provided a delightfully telling Dolphins football moment when it cut over to the close of the Bengals-Steelers matchup that officially eliminated the Dolphins playoffs pipe dreams.

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Damn Dolphins: Week Eleven

By | November 16th, 2012 | No Comments
Nathaniel Sandler (Halloween)

The Dolphins' third loss in a row, and the prospect of three more to come, has Nathaniel resigned to despair.

I wasn’t ready to watch the Miami Dolphins on Thursday. After Sunday’s skin flaying by the Titans, I needed a week of proper sleep and a full cycle of anti-anxietals. But I only got four days, and so did the Dolphins, which showed in their tepid 19-14 loss to the Buffalo Bills on Thursday Night Football.

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Damn Dolphins: Week Eleven

By | November 20th, 2011 | No Comments
Incoming by Robby Campbell

With their win against the Buffalo Bills, the Dolphins may have a pardoned-turkey's chance at the playoffs.

Well, the Miami Dolphins look impeccable. I can’t fucking believe this. Where the hell was this world-beating defense and flawless offensive execution for the first seven weeks of the season? Oh, that’s right. It was lodged securely up injured former starting quarterback Chad Henne’s bleached asshole. Some players in the Dolphins locker room predicted they would win out their schedule and end 9-7 with a playoff berth. With an utterly decisive 35-8 win over early-season NFL darlings the Buffalo Bills on Sunday, they are perhaps are on their way to fulfilling that insane prediction. If they win out the season, I’ll eat my TV remote. After shoving it up Chad Henne’s ass.

The Dolphins are finally playing with a ton of heart. I guess all it takes to raise the spirit of a football team to new and amazing heights is to lose seven consecutive games in embarrassing fashion and almost eliminate your playoff chances. It makes sense — there’s no pressure.

Nonetheless, the unsalted porridge inside Matt Moore, who threw three touchdowns and no interceptions on Sunday, seems to have rejuvenated the locker room. And because that guy is still as boring as an unfrosted Pop Tart, he only threw for 160 yards. Wide receiver Brandon Marshall had just one grab, for a measly five yards, but the rest of the offense seemed to be clicking on all cylinders. Running back Reggie Bush and tight end Tony Fasano both had another score this week. It was also exciting to see the ongoing development of new fan favorite fullback/h-back/tight-end/reliable-swiss-army-utility-belt/underdog Charles Clay. Management loves a guy like Clay because he can do a variety of things well and, since he doesn’t do any one of them like a superstar, they can pay him in potato sticks.

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