Damn Dolphins: Week One

By | September 9th, 2012 | No Comments
Incoming by Robby Campbell

New season. Same Damn Dolphins.

Welcome back to Damn Dolphins, your humble source for in-depth despair-based Miami Dolphins football analysis. I’ve been working on my pain and suffering analogies all offseason. I was pretty sure I was going to start this year’s first column off with talking about how watching our offense was not unlike getting a Tabasco enema. Then maybe liken the defensive secondary to quasi sentient Yeti turds.

But then, during the first quarter of Sunday’s game, the first of the 2012-13 season, we didn’t play like a toilet-algae colony against the pre-season Super Bowl-contending Houston Texans.

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Damn Dolphins: Week Two

By | September 19th, 2011 | 6 Comments
Incoming by Robby Campbell

The Dolphins' Week Two loss to the Texans finds Nathaniel looking around for the team's next coach.

I dragged myself to the stadium for the Dolphins game yesterday, an act of self-punishment tempered by early-season curiosity and an inkling of confidence. The Dolphins were only 0-1. Perhaps last week’s polite dismantlement by the Patriots would get swept under the carpet with a Week Two win. We can contend with the Houston Texans, I thought. We can win! I might as well have been using Kool Aid as deodorant.

After our second missed field goal of under 35 yards, I realized how wrong I was. God this team is unbelievable. They might as well be invading Russia when they get inside the Red Zone.

Rookie Donald Thomas showed some promise running for 107 yards on 18 carries with an average of almost six yards per carry, in the process showing up Reggie Bush, who netted a measly 18 yards on six carries. Then again the momentum of the game completely changed when Thomas fumbled in the third quarter in the middle of a very pretty 10-yard run. Which pretty much sums up our season so far: All too brief moments of celebration quickly dashed upon the reality of “We suck”.

Other main points from the game: quarterback Chad Henne, in spite of his forehead, was below average, the Dolphins defense seems to be much more prone to falling apart than last year, and the Nolan Carroll vs. Andre Johnson matchup had something — something essential — in common with this photograph.

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