When the Miami Dolphins beat the New York Jets, everything is just the best. It doesn’t matter how it gets done. It just matters that the Jets are embarrassed, and they were completely de-pantsed with horrible shrinkage in a 30-9 romp on Sunday.
I made the trip down the turnpike to Clown Shoe Stadium to watch the Miami Dolphins play the New York Jets on Sunday and unfortunately, my prediction of an embarrassing loss in a close game was spot on. That simple description, however, barely scratches the surface of how truly awful witnessing it in person was. It was gross. It was gut wrenching. It was demoralizing. It was good old-fashioned Miami Dolphins football.
One good thing about loving the Dolphins is hating the Jets, especially when they make it easy, as the current roster certainly does: Coach Rex Ryan has a loud mouth and a secret foot fetish; QB Mark Sanchez has a rape case in his background; and cornerback Antonio Cromartie has nine kids from eight women in six states. These are despicable reprobates, and I shall hate the team that pays them every Sunday forever.
The Dolphins-Jets match-up on Monday Night Football was an atrocity. The Dolphins’ opening drive was classic Tony Sparano. Reggie Bush finally broke one loose. Brandon Marshall forearm fucked Jets cornerback Darrelle Revis in an exciting play. Then they made an inconceivably blind pass attempt on third down and inches towards the same Darrelle Revis, who, they seem to have forgotten, is the best cover cornerback in the league. The game plan seemed to be to continue to throw at this man. I’d like the moxie if, in this case, the moxie wasn’t moronic. Sure enough on the Dolphins’ next drive, Revis picked one off and ran it back for a TD for what seemed like two hours. Moxie. Morons.
The now 0-5 Dolphins never turned it around. Or got it started. The Jets decided to start playing shortly before halftime and never looked back on their way to snapping their own three-game losing streak with a 24-6 victory over our hapless squad.
After the game, wide (un)receiver Brandon Marshall told the media, “This is embarrassing. We have way too many players in our locker room to be sitting at 0-5. Hopefully, things can get turned around. We’ll see what happens.” I don’t who Marshall is talking about when he says “too many players”. If one thing was clear during the MNF game, it was that the Dolphins have no stars whatsoever. It’s like a talent show in Greenland.